i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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