You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
