Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
