i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
