based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Randomize
