***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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