he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
