Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
