Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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