Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
