I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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