I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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