I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
