I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
