Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
