sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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