Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
