My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
