he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
