Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I am spending my child support on dildos
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
