I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
