Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm always down for nudity.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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