I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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