Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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