So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
