Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Randomize
