brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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