We won't sleep together?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
