it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
