so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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