I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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