It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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