1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
