If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
