At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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