At least make sure they are 18
Why
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
not ubering you a puppy
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
