just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize