When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
