East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
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