how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
