rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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