we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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