i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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