we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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