does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
she pinky promised me she was 18
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
