so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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