a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Randomize