you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
