omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
