I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
ttyl tear gas
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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