I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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