The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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