1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
