I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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