I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Too much gin, very little bucket
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
