Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
