dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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