My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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