singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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