he thought i was a dude.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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