the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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