Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Redeem this text for a blowjob
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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