Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
