Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
