I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
