perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize