I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
In America we eat man semen.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize