You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
