I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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